Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
