I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We named our party play list daddy issues
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
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But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
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I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
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