Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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