If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
