Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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