im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Please don't give away my fajitas
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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