i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
