I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
