I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
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Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
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So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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