Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
