her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
