Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
