it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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