Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
They took my balls.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
