I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You were trust falling into bushes
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
