he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
