I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I've blown a few things in my day
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
