You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
