Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
