You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
