my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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