LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
