These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
