I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
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you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
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