you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
