It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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