wrigley field is MILF paradise
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
