i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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