I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
