Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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