No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
