Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i think i have two assholes
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
