someone owes me an orgasm
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
