Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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