I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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