M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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