I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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