Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
