I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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