my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
