just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
