Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
