I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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