Having a random hookup so left but love u
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
