I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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