You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
