It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
