Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
