i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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