I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
