all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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