Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
