They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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