I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
