We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
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At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
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I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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