dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
