she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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