he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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