Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
