I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
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I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
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I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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