If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice