I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
And then my night got REAL pukey
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.