if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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