i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
