I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
