my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
