.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
