you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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