he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
