I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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