Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
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