I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
