ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
