Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
