I've blown a few things in my day
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
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It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
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Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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