She is in my trunk
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
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