yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
