His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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