it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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