just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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