It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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