At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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