whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
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In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
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It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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