well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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